Is Our Compassion Part of The Resolution or Part of the Problem?

“If you do not know how to handle the suffering in you then you cannot help another person” Thich Nhat Hanh

In a world with so much suffering we do our best to be compassionate as part of the resolution. Compassion is seeing a living being suffering and feeling motivated to help them. While doing our best to be of help we sometimes take on the suffering inside ourselves. We constrict our emotions, bodies, minds and hearts. In doing this we lose our ability to be fully present with whatever the situation. It makes us wonder if we are being part of the resolution or part of the problem?

A perfect example of this is Caroline, a sixty year old woman who was very ill and learning how to be at peace with her experience. Her friend, Emily, came to see her and panicked when she saw her condition. Emily’s intent had been to be compassionate and supportive. Unfortunately, her reaction was to constrict with guilt for not having come sooner. Caroline tried to soothe and console her and soon felt her energy fading. She politely told Emily that she needed to be alone now. What might have happened if Emily had kept her focus on breathing, staying connected and tuning into what her friend was really wanting? What if she had been present to be part of the resolution rather than being part of the problem?

Some tips on what we can do if we find ourselves slipping out of being present and part of the resolution…

• Reconnect with ourselves and our source. Breathe and allow any insights on appropriate actions we can take in the situation.

• Move, breathe and vibrate. Release any constriction of our emotional, physical and mental energy. Let go of trying to control the situation as we breathe, vibrate and move into a state that allows us to tune into what is really happening. Opening a soothing safe space for the person suffering to relax and let go into their experience.

• Love ourselves no matter what the evidence! No matter what the condition we are seeing, talk to ourselves in ways that support us in embracing our experience so we can be present with calm and assertive energy.

• Ask ourselves what is the nature experiencing true compassion?

• Practice having compassion for ourselves. When we learn to accept and reframe our own experiences we can support others to do the the same.

• Establish healthy boundaries. There is always the temptation to think we have to save someone even if we feel that it is not ours to do. The suffering person knows when we really do not want to be there for them. If we override our intuition we end up not being as effective as we could be. It is best to go where we feel inspired, motivated and want to help.

• Remember that we are human. We are all in an evolutionary process of exploring ways to think, feel and behave in ways that we can support the end the suffering in the world.

• Acknowledge and embrace the fact that no-one really knows what another person is really experiencing.

• Vibrate any healthy shame. We all have times when we find ourselves making poor choices in a situation. These are opportunities to love ourselves no matter what the evidence, make new choices and avoid the temptation to contract in shame.

• Embracing any self pity. Practice letting go of our own self pity. Remember we are the ones that put us in whatever pit we are in and so did they. A good exercise is pretending to cry while repeating “poor me, poor me, poor me” until we find ourselves laughing and remembering the profound miracle that we are even alive.

• Cultivate the ability to be compassionate about differences. Dr. Don Beck, a leading global authority and author of Spiral Dynamics, shows us how and why people are different in the way they make decisions, respond to different situations, hold onto values and make changes. This includes everything from different life stages, lines of development and levels of consciousness. Another great source is Hudson and Riso’s book, The Wisdom of the Enneagram, on how to be compassionate and supportive of many different personality styles.

• The best thing we can do is remember that when our vibration rises to spiritual expression we embody those human qualities that enable us to do what is good and right for ourselves and others.  All of these qualities are connected in thought and deed. They are widely valued virtues found in every religion, culture and community.

To being the power of true compassion,