Has it ever crossed your mind….?

Has it ever crossed your mind that if you could just get rid of someone in your life, that your problems would be over?

Like a thorn in your hand, that you can pull it out and throw it away and things just go better, right?

And then there’s war… trying to exterminate the problem, even though we are horrified and know inside that it really doesn’t work.

So you may be wondering, as so many have, ” What other resolutions are there to some of these challenges in life?”.

Well, one thing I know for sure, if I ever start wanting to get rid of someone, I can always  find something that is similar to what I am seeing in them that I am trying to get rid of inside myself.

For example:

Betty couldn’t stand her boss always pretending everything was fine at work, while she knew that things were falling apart. She was convinced that her boss wasn’t man enough to admit what was happening and to stand up for finding a resolution.

It bugged Betty to no end and she wished she were the owner of the business so she could just get rid of him. She was convinced that it would make her life so much better.

Finally one day when Betty was taking some time for herself she realized that she pretending just like her boss was!

She was pretending her marriage was fine while she suspecting that her husband was making plans to leave her.

Betty realized that she had been denying what was really happening. She was doing everything she could to get rid the feelings that were telling her that something wasn’t working!

She wasn’t standing up for herself!

She was trying to get rid of the very parts of herself that could be guiding her in how to make changes that could bring resolution in her marriage! Her feelings were stuck inside… not getting the air and space that they needed to be move and be part of the resolution in her life.

And that’s exactly what her boss was doing in the office!

She had been using her personal power to keep her feelings under control with the illusion that somehow that was the answer. And the more she tried to control them the more of a struggle she was feeling inside…and the more she wanted to get rid of the feelings!  She was the one that was making her miserable!

Finally she was admitting what she had known all along….that she was lying to herself, resisting the truth and not standing up for herself to bring resolution.

She had been busy trying to get rid of what she thought was something “wrong” and “bad”…just like her boss was.

Betty was horrified that she had been blaming the people outside herself, and committed to make the changes she needed to make in herself.

And as she did that, her personal life start to shift,

She was starting to feel free inside!

And interesting enough, things started to shift at work…her boss was making the changes that she had been wanting!

Think about it.

Isn’t that war is really about? Trying to get rid of the “bad” and “wrong” people in our world. The people who appear to be trying to take control and ruin our lives?

And yet we’re doing that very same thing at home inside of ourselves!

How can we expect for war to stop while the war is still going on inside ourselves?

To freedom from the inside out,

I remember, years ago, going to talk with some people in an organization that was committed to “Save the (something)” .

I could feel their good intention, and at the same time I walked out thinking to myself, “It’s going to be difficult to make the difference that what to make to save the (something)…they need to save themselves first”.  Everyone was stressed out, complaining and up in arms about everyone else who was causing the problem…and they were convinced that they were the “good ones” trying to get rid of the “bad ones”.  What stood out was how self righteous, exhausted and unepowered they felt in a certain way….trying to “resist” and get rid of the problem they were seeing.

Their energy was so tied up in the resisting and rebelling against what they thought was were the “wrong” ones, that it was obvious that the only ones they were resisting was themselves.

Think about it.

If your energy is all wrapped up in pushing, resisting and trying to”get rid of”, what is your experience going to be?

With resisting!

For instance, when your energy is all wrapped up in whose “fault” it is while “holding” resentment (resentir + re-feel) and trying to get rid of them. Resentment and blame just create more of the same…and leads to toxic shame….because a part of you knows it will never work to have the results you want.

You may have gotten in the habit of holding resentment and if you are honest with yourself you will feel it.

It has a body chemistry that is very recognizable to not only you, bu t everyone else too.

Others with that habit may join you in your mission to “get back” at who you think is at fault, and mist will simply see you for who you are.

The reality of things, is that justice never comes from blame, resentment, and trying to “get back”.

In his famous books on World Religion,        said,  when he was asked if war was caused by people having different religions he said not….that in studying cultures from all over the world…and asking that question, he said everyone said that it was some old held resentment!

So you may wondering, how can I bring peace to that war inside myself?

First is to look yourself in the eye, and admit the war you have going.

Second ask yourself this question:

“What is the nature of experiencing the war inside myself gone, and experiencing peace that radiates out of me”.

Notice what the resentment feels like inside of you and pinpoint where you are holding it.

Breathe into it and let it know that you are not going to abandon it anymore, and commit to this.

Make the decision that you will stay with it, and let yourself go thru withdarwal from the chemistry of doing it.

Be ruthless with yourself.

The next thing you can do…that is a lifesaver for me…is to exagerate it!

Find a safe place to be, and start saying, “I resent it!” Resent, resent,resent….loud and soft…hit some pillows, scream it our, etc,

If you do it long enough an amazing shift will happen…a feeling will come over you that you will never forget.

Once you’ve let the feeling go, start noticing if you want to re-assemble inside yourself…you know when you  are doing it.

Be willing to admit..remembering that if you are only at 10% it’s a start!.

Vibrate your energy into it, until you feel a shift.

Do what ever you need to do to fill the space with healthy activities, thought processes, and circulation of your energy.

If you keep doing that, your being will get you mean business.