Do you ever find yourself wondering what “loving yourself” really means?
You are not alone in wondering this.
Unfortunately, the expression “loving yourself ” has often been associated with selfishness, self importance and self obsession…along with the common experience of building evidence around why we shouldn’t be loving ourselves.
And if you are someone who wants to love and serve humanity, the truth is that you will only have the power to be of true service to the extent that you truly love and serve yourself.
Many years ago when I was first learning about what it meant to love myself, I went to a service organization called “Save the _____”, and found it interesting that most of the staff were working 14 hour days, felt exhausted, disappointed, hopeless and as if they were the ones that needed to be saved! It was then that I truly understood the power of what it meant to truly love myself and know that I am only able to love and be of service to anyone was to the level at which I was willing and able to serve and love myself.
THE GOOD NEWS IS:
Loving yourself simply means making choices that encourage, nurture and support yourself.
Start out by asking yourself this question: “What is the nature of experiencing the bodily felt sense of loving myself?
Loving to yourself includes:
(1) Talking to yourself in ways that are nurturing and supportive
For example:
Imagine that someone just got mad at you about something that you said.
Here are two different ways that you can choose to talk to yourself about what just happened.
- “No matter what I say, it’s never enough”
- “I’m not very good at communicating, so I might as well give up”
- “I’m really not a good enough person”
- “There must be something wrong with me”
- “I’m a loser and should just forget about ever having any friends”
- “She hates me, so I might as well leave and never come come back”
- “Wow, I didn’t know that I was having that effect!”
- “I care about this relationship, so I’ll take a deep breathe and commit to resolution”
- “I admit that I was doing something provoking by not being very present for what was happening”
- “I’ll learn from this experience”
- “Take another deep breathe”
- “I’m ready to go back and apologize and commit to staying more present and communicating more clearly”
Notice and feel how the second option feels to you. Giving yourself these options is a perfect way to excel in developing a new kind of freedom in your life.
Powerful questions give powerful answers.
As soon as you ask a question something inside of you starts to shift immediately.
Your questions are catalysts that set the universe in motion to respond to you.
If you use your thinking wisely, you can craft you questions in such a way that the answers come as the bodily felt sense of having the experience that you want.
For instance:
If you ask yourself the question, “What is lack of self confidence”, then what kind of answers will you get? The experience of all the ways you lack self confidence!
Now think about it. What could happen if you had ask the question like this, “What is the nature of experiencing the most beneficial and empowered self confidence possible? What experience would you have as the answer to that question? It would be the bodily felt experience of empowered self confidence!
Choose your questions wisely, and you will notice the freedom that this skill brings!
(3) Choose appropriate relationships
Be with people that love, nurture, empower you. Choose to be conscious of what the appropriate form of the relationship is at any given moment and be willing to follow the truth, knowing that what is appropriate at any given time can change.
For instance:
- Understand that your relationship may feel great as business partners, and not for sitting around your dining table at home or sleeping in your bed. Or a person may feel great as a traveling companion and not a sleeping partner. You both understand that the form of a relationship is flexible and want to keep being in the truth of that.
- You know the person loves you unconditionally.
- You feel more empowered when you are around them.
(4) Be compassionate with yourself …
- “I know you are feeling a little scared right now”
- “That’s fine”
- “I’m are human and I’m just about to take a big step, and I’m feeling a little shaky.
- “I’ll take a deep breathe and shake it out a bit”.
- “I’m stepping into the unknown, something I’ve never done before”
- “I can breathe, relax and be here with myself and be connected to the power of the universe…I’m not alone”
- “As long as I am all the way here, I can be aware and make good choices”
- “My intention is to support all these people, and I am being supported by the universe as I do that”
- Breathe into your experience
- Imagine holding yourself
- Let yourself know that you won’t push any part of yourself away
- Be honest with yourself, admit what choices you made
- Stay present with whatever feelings you have and give them a safe place to express
- Let yourself know that you just had a learning experience., and are not bad
- When you’re present and ready to talk to the people that were involved in the mistake you made, let them know what your experience was, and why you made the choices you did and apologize with the intent to bring resolution and make new choices.
- Listen to you body and respond to what it needs
- Listen to your feelings and respond to what they are telling you
- Listen to your spirit and respond to what it is telling you and support yourself in making new choices.
- Listen to your heart and respond to what it is telling you. Be aware of pretending to love someone or something when that is not really what you are feeling.
- Breathe and take notice of what your body is telling you
- Let your body know that you will respond to it, and ask it what it needs
- Rest instead of pushing past what you know is best for your body
- Let go of how you thought your day was going to be, including changing any plans that you had for the day
- Drink plenty of water
- Take a hot bath
- Take appropriate herbs and supplementation
- Make healthy choicex. Explore and learn more about what that means to you.
- Eat healthy nutritious foods. They can make all the difference!
- Rest when you are tired.
- Drink when you are thirsty.
- Spend lots of time out in nature.
- Do things that make you happy.
- Reach out and ask for help when you need it.
- Give yourself a comfortable bed.
- Get a massage.
- Read things that make your life better.
- Listen to things that add value and make you feel alive.
- Watch things that add value and make you feel good.
- You’re just about to make a choice that you know is not going to work
- You admit to yourself you know the probable outcome
- And let yourself have a sense of humor about it
- You say to yourself, “Nice try, you were just about to ruin my day, no way!”
- And laugh at yourself for how ridiculous that was to even think about trying to sabotage yourself in that way!
- It’s YOU who is always there for you.
- It’s YOU who you can always count on to make beneficial choices
- It’s you that makes the difference of whether or not your life is about a sustainable experience of freedom from your inside out!
True freedom requires willingness.
- Am I really willing to be free?
- Or is there’s a little part of me that still wants to hold on to how I am now? I’m used to it and I feel more comfortable here because it’s “the known”?
February 10, 2015
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