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The Elusiveness of Unconditionally Loving Ourselves

September 8, 2016


The ability to be unconditionally loving with ourselves can be elusive at times. Being unconditionally loving with ourselves means freely accepting and allowing ourselves to have the lives we want, no matter what our condition. Being conditional, however, means imposing conditions on ourselves in order to allow and feel worthy enough to have the lives we want.

We strive to be unconditionally loving with ourselves, yet find ourselves like a fish in water. We fool ourselves into thinking we are being unconditional only to discover that we are swimming in a sea of conditional thoughts and feelings.

The question is, “Why would we fool ourselves into thinking we are being unconditional? 

Think about it…

Many people hold back as a way to maintain the delusion that their lives are under control. Putting conditions on themselves is the perfect way to maintain that fantasy (as described so well by Robert Firestone in his well respected book called “The Fantasy Bond”). Conditions are a way to maintain the status quo and avoid taking full responsibility for our lives.

The following are some of the elusive ways we hold back using certain conditions…

  • Deluding ourselves that we can only be happy, free and positive under certain conditions.
  • Holding on to conditions from our past as in ”If only I had made different choices back then I would be able to unconditionally love myself today”.
  • Holding on to future conditions as in “My parents had that condition so I will have that condition too.”.
  • Holding onto present conditions by comparing ourselves as in “I need to compare myself with successful people so I can imitate them or use them to decide whether or not I am worthy enough to have the life I want”.
  • Believing that we must be a fully unconditionally loving person as a condition on whether or not we can unconditionally love ourselves.
  • Needing proof that letting go of our present condition is the best thing to do before we are sure the next condition is better.
  • Being nice, conforming, accommodating or unimposing as conditions to be loved.
  • Being right as a condition that we may be holding onto after years of being tested and graded on whether or not we are able to get the right answers!.
  • Holding on to pain, struggle and conflict as a condition to fit into the agreement field of mass consciousness.

The culture we live in also has it’s own set conditions for being loved. The following are a few of the most common cultural conditions we might be imposing upon ourselves. “To love myself I must be…

  • Successful
  • Hard working
  • Smart
  • In service to others
  • Self sacrificing

Needless to say, being unconditional can be challenging, confusing and elusive at times.

A man once stood up at large gathering where the Dahli Llama was speaking. The man said he was having a hard time overcoming his habit of being judgmental. Being judgmental made him wonder if it would ever be possible for him to be unconditionally loving with himself or others. The Dahli Llama laughed and said, “Everyone sees the truth and it doesn’t mean we are judgmental or being conditional with our love. Seeing the truth of things is natural. Whether or not we are being judgmental or conditional is all about what we do with what we see.

Think about it…

Most of us have been seen by someone who assumes that there is essentially something wrong with us, leaving us feeling shamed and bad for our condition. We also have had experiences of the truth being seen by someone who radiates the wonderful feeling of loving us, no matter what our condition.

THE GOOD NEWS IS:  We can cultivate the ability to be unconditionally loving. It helps to know that the source of our lives has only love and appreciation for who we are, no matter what our condition. Nothing we can do or say will ever change the abundance of that love. We might as well forget about trying to control ourselves into the perfect condition that we think we should have to unconditionally love ourselves.

At a certain point in our evolution we all have to face the truth. The truth that we are unconditionally loving energy beings, have been and always will be. And even if we hold back (control, manipulate, resist or rebel), sooner or later our source will have it’s way with us. Source will ultimately find the way to support and guide us into unconditionally loving ourselves and others.

Our mission, if we decide to take it, is to remember that the lives we want are always available to us. In each and every moment, we have the power to decide whether or not to use a condition to hold us back.

To the power of unconditionality,


If you have any questions, please free to set up an appointment for a FREE 30 minute conversation with me at:

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Why People Hold Back From Peace

August 25, 2016


Throughout history man has asked the question of how to create peace on Earth. Even though people tend to differ in the ways they think about peace, we all intuitively now know that war is not the answerWe see that leaving responsibility to other people is not the answer either. We are finally coming to terms that we are the ones who need to take a new level of responsibility.

Many people have turned to exploring what would happen if we turned our focus to taking 100% responsibility for ending the war within ourselves? What if we take full responsibility for how we create war inside ourselves? What if we admit that war is our reflection? What if we admit that we often control and try to get rid of parts of ourselves? What if we make better choices about how we think, feel and behave?

Years ago at a Peace Conference, a presentation was added called “Why People Hold Back From Peace.” Most people looked at the title with a surprised look on their face. Soon they smiled and said, “I get it, we all need to address this!”

Think about it…

We often find ourselves struggling with questions like, “How can I find peace inside when I am holding on to guilt? How can I feel at peace with so many bad people in the world? How can I find peace when I find myself being judgmental, hateful and discrimatory?

We learn that what we try to get rid of comes around again in some other form and place. A good example is our country sending drones to bomb other people, only to see more and more mass shootings crop up in our own country. Trying to get rid of people is not the answer. What we resist persists, right?

Many people have turned to exploring what would happen if we turned our focus to taking 100% responsibility for ending the war within ourselves? What if we take full responsibility for how we create war within ourselves? What if we acknowledge that the war is our reflection? What if we stop trying to control and get rid of parts of ourselves?

THE GOOD NEWS IS: Resolution begins with making a decision about how we treat and relate with ourselves.  A great way to explore what it means to relate within ourselves starts by sitting on a pillow. Then place three other pillows in front of that one. Each pillow represents a different aspect of ourselves. One is ourselves as a spirit. The other three pillows are representing our bodies, emotions and hearts. The idea is to start a conversation allowing each aspect of ourselves to speak and express their experience of being part of us.

How this exercise works is demonstrated as follows… 

  • You as spirit start the conversation by speaking to your emotional body, “I hate the way you try to get in the way of things I want to do.”
  • Allow the emotions to respond. They may say, “I feel suffocated when you try to push me away. I am trying to do my job of guiding you in having the most loving, fun, abundant and empowered life possible.”
  • Go back and forth letting them each speak.
  • Then encourage the other aspects to speak, interact and express how they feel.
  • Create lots of time and space so all the aspects can go back and forth speaking and expressing among one another.
  • Observe and acknowledge the love that arises as the truth keeps being revealed and integrated.
  • Notice how bunch of great ideas for resolution is spontaneously arising!
  • All aspects of you begin to truly understand what it means to be in synergy and alignment with yourself and be a catalyst for peace from your inside out.

Bottom line are we willing take full responsibility for ending war by taking full responsibility for creating peace within ourselves? The following is a list of some common beliefs that often hold us back from bringing forth the peace we want…

  • War is just part of life.
  • We have to fight for our freedom.
  • There is not enough for everybody, so we must fight for resources.
  • Getting rid of the people we think are bad will give us peace.
  • Conditions must be perfect, right and done before we can have peace.
  • Peace is not possible and history proves it.
  • Letting go of war and resistance is dangerous because it could set us up to be at risk for being vulnerable.

We also must find the strength to acknowledge any rage, fear and sadness we feel around the conditions in our world. Can we let these emotions move and express in safe and healthy ways? Then let the feelings go? Can we release any judgements, resentment and discrimination we are holding onto? Are we willing to stay connected to the loving source that is always with us and guide us towards the peace we want?

To the realization within ourselves of a paradigm where peace can thrive,



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The Power of Appropriate Relationship

August 25, 2016


Appropriate relationships are relationships we know are good for us. They are fun, inspiring and empowering. They align with our values and give us clarity on why other inappropriate relationships never worked.

The word “appropriate” refers to being suitable, fitting or right in any particular circumstance. The wonderful thing is that we each have an internal guidance system that allows us to feel and know what is appropriate for us at any given moment.

With all that said, have you ever noticed that the topic of “appropriate relationship” is often a touchy subject? How some people become reactive when the concept is mentioned? How the concept of appropriate relationship is rarely talked about in ways that would make a difference in people’s lives?

Think about it…

We sense that the relationships we dream of are “out there” somewhere. Quantum physics helps us understand how we create our realities. We get excited about creating relationships that will meet us in the passion of taking full responsibility for our lives. We intend our relationships will appear in their perfect timing as we get more and more clear on what we want.

Unfortunately, even with all our good intentions, we sometimes find ourselves feeling powerless to create the relationships we want. We settle for inappropriate relationships with the hope they will provide us with the following…

  • Security
  • A sense of belonging
  • Fulfillment and happiness
  • Someone to blame for our lack of fulfillment and happiness.
  • Someone to join us in holding back as a way to feel safe.
  • Someone who to to control and manipulate us as a way to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves.
  • Engagement in playing out the different roles that collective consciousness thinks it needs to keep things together and under control (caretaker, responsible one, victim, the problem, the superior or inferior one etc).
  • Ongoing validation that there is something wrong with us to justify why we cannot take responsibility for our lives.
  • Someone to settle with who goes along with the the fantasy that our inappropriate relationship is working.

Unfortunately, inappropriate relationships require lying to ourselves, draining our power and ignoring the effect we are having on the people around us. We feel touchy and reactive when we know others are aware what we are doing. We are hesitant to admit that we are holding back out of fear, powerlessness and guilt around using our relationships inappropriately.

THE GOOD NEWS IS: Inappropriate relationships can be dissolved, resolved and evolved. No one involved is bad or wrong. Each person involved can take responsibility for changing the form of any inappropriate relationships they have. They can make the change in a loving and empowering way.

The following exercise can bring clarity and resolution into the nature of appropriate relationships…

  • Gather together a group of people who want to participate in learning how to make their relationships better.
  • Ask them to huddle as close as they can in the middle of the room
  • After being in the huddle for awhile ask them to notice how they feel.
  • Ask them to notice any preferences around who they want to be close to or not close to at any given moment.
  • Let them know they are free to move around whenever and wherever they want.
  • Ask them to bring awareness into what other people are choosing (some people pulling out, some shifting to a different parts of the huddle, some being content where they are etc.).
  • Ask them to notice if they have any hesitancy to let people see their preferences.
  • Encourage them to be flexible, adjust and move to wherever feels the best.
  • Give them time to think about, feel and explore their choices.
  • Ask if they notice whether their choices build power or drain their power.
  • Assure them that the choices they are making are all okay and part of the process.
  • Assure them that the appropriateness of a relationship is flexible and can shift back and forth.
  • Ask them if a relationship is not working for them if they think the relationship is working for the other person.
  • Ask them to notice that when they let go of an inappropriate relationship they are creating the space for an appropriate one.
  • As the exercise is coming to a close, ask them to think about the relationships they have in their lives right now. With everything they have learned who would they choose to work with? Who would they choose as friends? Who would they want to be at their dining room table? Who do they want to be intimate with? Who have they been settling with? Who are they willing to shift into appropriate relationship with? What feelings and beliefs are coming up as they explore this?
  • Conclude the exercise with this question,“What is the nature of experiencing the ease, joy and empowerment of appropriate relationships in my life?”

To the power of appropriate relationships,



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The Fun and Joy in Taking 100% Responsibility for Our Lives

August 25, 2016


The joy and fun of taking full responsibility for our lives is one of the most exciting lessons we can learn in life. What often holds us back is the question, “How can I develop the self confidence, passion, motivation and discipline for taking that much responsibility for my life?”

Taking responsibility for our lives can be challenging at times. We like the idea of being in the driver’s seat yet often find ourselves landing in troubling situations without a map. We shame ourselves for getting off track and ask ourselves,“Where did I go wrong?”

Think about it…

Hearing the words “taking responsibility” often triggers the beliefs that responsibility is…

  • Laborious
  • Overwhelming
  • Filled with struggle and sacrifice
  • The demise of fun and freedom

• What makes us sick and tired

  • A sure way to be blamed when things go wrong
  • A reason to judge and punish ourselves if we make mistakes

No wonder the expression “taking full responsibility” often seems so dark and heavy!

THE GOOD NEWS IS:  As soon as we make the decision to be 100% responsible for our lives, the universe reveals the solutions to all these beliefs and questions. We begin to understand how taking full responsibility is the key to creating the freedom we want. 

 Responsibility brings clarity and knowing that we can be…

  • Guided and supported in creating the lives we want.
  • Part of the resolution rather of part of the problem.
  • Free of being a victim.
  • A catalyst for the changes we want to see in the world.

A fun metaphor to remember how taking full responsibility makes our lives a lot more easy…

Taking full responsibility for our lives is similar to surfing the waves, being present and enjoying the ride to shore. Lack of responsibility is trying to stay on the board, not being present and tumbling to shore with sand up your nose”.

Every challenge we face can be an opportunity to take 100% responsibility for our lives. An opportunity to let go of holding back and allowing the resolutions to reveal themselves in all the wonderful ways they do. We can embrace the victim inside, restoring it to the perfect internal guidance system it is designed to be. We learn to guide and co-create our lives with the loving source that is part of us.

The following are a few of the ways that taking full responsibility brings  joy, love and fun into our lives by…

•  Being responsible “to” others rather than responsible ‘for” others.

  • Taking action on what we feel passionate, inspired and motivated about.
  • Freedom from trying to control and manipulate.
  • Allowing ourselves to experience the powerful person we are.

Now think about this…

The word responsibility originates from the words “response” and “ability”, therefore the ability to respond.  We are born with the natural ability to respond to what we see, hear, feel, taste and touch. In any situation we can choose to respond by being reactive, angry, shaming, blaming etc. We also have the freedom to respond to the situation in any of these other following ways by…

  • Listening to our inner guidance before taking action.
  • Conjuring up positive ways to think, feel and talk about the situation.
  • Remembering  there is always a solution to every problem.

As with any skill, our ability to respond takes focus, time and practice. It is well worth the time and energy! Many people have dreams about what they want to experience in their lives yet never decide to to take full responsibility for learning how to fulfill those dreams.

It is never too late to start taking responsibility for your life. No matter what your past or present situation is, the joys of taking full responsibility are always available to you!

A few great questions we can ask ourselves with the intent to receive the answers are:

  • What is the nature of experiencing the joy, love and power that comes from taking 100% responsibility for my life?
  • What is the nature of experiencing myself take 100% responsibility for my life in ways that are loving, beneficial and empowering to myself and others?


To the joy of taking full responsibility for our lives,




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Relief for the “Oversensitive, Reactive and Dramatic”

June 10, 2016


Oversensitive, reactive and dramatic people come into the world with an extraordinary ability to be creative, introspective, inspiring and expressive. Soon to discover their emotions are discouraged. They turn their emotions inward by contracting and holding back.

Anger turned inward creates cycles of self rejection, resentment, comparing themselves and giving distorted meaning to what other people say. All of this keeps them on the edge of exploding inside and acting out in reactive and dramatic ways to free themselves up.dreamstime_m_13766517

These behaviors are provoking to other people and leaves them feeling unloveable and powerless to have the love they yearn for.

Some of the most effective ways to support themselves in cultivating emotional equanimity includes the following…

Loving and accepting themselves, no matter what the evidence or circumstance.

Loving themselves includes the willingness to admit when they start distorting or provoking other people. It’s good for them to know they are not alone in doing these behaviors. All humans develop strategies in an attempt to stay safe. Some of the least talked about strategies are brought to light by Robert W. Firestone, Phd in his book called “The Fantasy Bond”.

Making the decision is a great moment of awareness. They know they are going to do whatever it takes to love and free themselves from whatever is not working.

Telling a new story about who they are. Science can help them see the truth that they are connected to the same loving source that creates universes. They can choose to see themselves as an energy being manifesting in a physical body and co-creating their reality with their loving source. They are the love they have been looking for!

Breathing, vibrating and shaking gets love and acceptance flowing big time! It allows for deep and lasting change to happen.

Oversensitive, reactive and dramatic people often hear people say, “Oh, just snap out of it! Stop thinking all those negative thoughts and starting thinking positive ones.” Sounds like a great idea, right? For these people it is not all that easy!

When their energy is contracted and holding back, no matter how many positive thoughts they think, old unsupportive beliefs lurk in the background. The following exercise can help them understand why movement works so well to free themselves:

  • Take a deep breath and hold it in.
  • Keep holding the breath while tightening the fists and body.
  • Squeeze, squeeze and squeeze as much as possible!
  • Keep holding it tight while asking these questions: “How clear is my thinking right now? Where is  my focus of attention? How relational do I feel? Where am I hurting?
  • Now let the breath go.
  • Take a deep breath in, relax and shake it out! Shake, shake, shake it out!
  • Letting go of being uptight and enjoying the relief of oxygen flowing through their veins.

Movement not only frees their bodies, it also allows thoughts and perceptions of themselves to change more freely!

Shifting self perception is a simple and powerful way to love themselves.

A great way to do this is to familiarize themselves with a body of knowledge called “The Enneagram”. The Enneagram is a loving way to identify hidden patterns of how they they think, feel, and motivate themselves. It helps them realize they are not alone in their struggles and shows them there are many ways to turn them around.

They discover they have the power to dissolve, resolve and evolve anything standing between themselves and the life they want. They realize that the way they think and feel is how they create their reality.

Admitting is the power to observe and tell themselves the truth while opening up the doorways to “admit” themselves into the expanding experience of the love they want.

Willingness is the act of letting go while allowing change to reveal itself in all the wonderful ways it does.

The question may arise, “How do I know if I’m willing or not?”. The answer  is always the same, “You know, you can feel it.” Even 10-15 seconds of pure 100% willingness is enough for the shift you want to happen.

Withdrawal is the experience of making the transition from habitual contraction to the relief of letting go. An important thing for them to remember is that they may be tempted to spring back into old contracted habits just before they experience their life has changed.

To ease the process they can engage in lots of movement, do things they enjoy and reach out to others.

Allowing is the art of continuously letting go of contraction and resistance while opening the space to reignite their inspired, creative, introspective and expressive selves again!

To emotional freedom,




If you have any questions, feel free to contact me for a free 30 minute conversation. You can set up a time at your convenience at:

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Can We Choose to Be Happy No Matter What Our Condition?

May 5, 2016

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Throughout history man has pondered the question if we can to choose to be happy no matter our condition. Meditation, movement, and other ways of experiencing happiness continues to be explored and researched around the world.

Some of the research includes the work by Matthieu Ricard a biochemist, Buddhist Monk. He is sometimes called the “happiest man in the world,” and says, “Yes, we can train ourselves to be happy.”

Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert goes on to say humans often misjudge what will make them happy. Most people have taken on the belief that happiness is the result of getting what they want. Often they find they are still unhappy even when they have reached their goal of getting what they want.

Clinical research drawn from psychology and neuroscience is now showing that human brains can indeed synthesize happiness not dependent on any conditions assumed to be the source of that happiness.

From their own personal experience and guiding of people from all over the world, Ester and Jerry Hicks are successful in guiding people how to cultivate the bodily felt sense of happiness.  Here is one of many videos they freely share as ways to practice conjuring up the emotional vibration of happiness, no matter what the condition.

If you have any questions, you can set up an appointment for a FREE 30 minute consultation with me.  Click Here to choose a convenient time for your appointment.

You can reach me directly at (520)-907-6864.

Premium_Vertical_3D_version2Scroll down on the right side of this page and click on the image for  “7 Reasons You’re *Secretly* Holding Back From Ending the Suffering Inside” so you can receive a FREE copy!

To your freedom to be happy,










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Any Carlos Castendada Fans Out There?

July 15, 2015


For all you Carlos fans, I think you’ll like these videos on the power of intention, by Wayne Dyer (part 1 and 2). I recommend putting your earphones on, turn down the lights, lay back, turn on the video and enjoy the ride 🙂


To the power of intent,


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Spiral Dynamics by Don Beck

March 29, 2014


“Spiral Dynamics”, by Don Beck, is a dynamic model of human development that can help us understand some of the biggest issues in our world today.

Don brings understanding and compassion into difficult questions  about how to interact with differences in the developmental stages of human consciousness.

It brings awareness by providing a leading edge model of how humans ascend from basic biological needs to the more complex psychological motivations such as belongingness, esteem, cognitive, esthetic and self-actualization. It describes how our human needs at each level must be at least partially satisfied before the needs of the next level start to determine how we take action in our lives…from the evolutionary needs of basic survival to the quest for self-actualization and beyond.

Bottom line, the value of this book is to bring a more encompassing awareness, acceptance and compassion to the many different levels of consciousness functioning simultaneously on our planet… and to use the information to bring forth a more integral approach to the leadership we need in our world today.

The application of this model is being integrated into everything from corporate management, medicine, education and law.

Don Beck and Ken Wilber,  the well known integral psychologist,  have recently shown how some of these ideas are being immensely helpful in the fields of health and wellness…and how it is being successfully applied in some very difficult situations around the world, most famously in the post-Apartheid era in South Africa.

To bringing more compassion to our planet,





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Skills For a New Context of Living

January 19, 2014


Skills for a new context of living are what allows freedom at the core to be an everyday and sustainable experience.

You may be wondering,”What does a new context of living mean?”

Good question.

Let’s start with a defiiniton of the word context: (Wikipedia)


  1. The circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood and assessed.
  2. The parts of something written or spoken that immediately precede and follow a word or passage and clarify its meaning.

When you arrived on this planet, you were met with you own unique set of circumstances.

The world that you came into could be divined as an “event, statement, or idea” about what life is.

An event was being assembled, perceived, and described in a very certain way….along with the behaviors, actions, and the declared beliefs that went with it.

The circumstances, environment, events, statements, and ideas that were going on around you,  I will be calling the “context” of the life that you came into…the stage and contents of the” story “you were starting.

So my intention here is to define what skills can you use to become aware of the context you have living in…and skills to shift that context to one that sustains you in freedom at you core.

More coming soon!

Best to you,



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