Getting Clear On What You Want to Give

February 23, 2014


Getting clear on what you want to give is a fun and wonderful way to create more freedom in your life.

Think about it:

Giving is embedded in your genetic code and is an integral part of of being a human being.

You are in an integral universe that is in a constant state of giving and receiving.

What you give and receive touches everyone and everything in some way.

So start our by ask yourself this question about giving:

  • What is the nature of experiencing giving in the most beneficial and empowering ways possible?

You might be thinking,”Well, how can I bring more awareness and purpose into what I am giving?

See if this short exercise helps you answer that question:

(a)  Exercise:

  • Close your eyes
  • Take a deep breath in
  • Be aware of your existence in space
  • What you are giving by just being here?
  • Notice the air that you are breathing and giving to your lungs… that is in turn giving it to your heart…. which is in turn giving it to the rest of your body.
  • Notice the carbon dioxide you give back to the world when you breathe out
  • Notice the energy that you are giving just by being alive and radiating out from your core
  • Notice the vibration you are giving to everything around you
  • Notice the thoughts you are giving
  • What else are you giving just by being here?

Open your eyes now.

What did you learn?

Write it down because this is a key to the self confidence you own when you are aware of all the gifts you have to offer!

Now think about this:

Science has shown that there is literally no place that we are separate or disconnected….not from our source, anything , or anyone.

We are literally all connected!

There is literally no such thing as being separate!

There are molecules of air and particles of energy that connect us even though they are not visible through our eyes.

If you are like me, sometimes the truth of that is hard to imagine.

And then I think about how all the cells in my body are connected:

  • Each of my cells has it’s own unique purpose ….which allows my body to function in the way that it does.
  • And each of these cells has it’s own boundaries, it’s own cell walls, that keeps the integrity of itself  intact.
  • Yet each of these cells is totally interconnected and nowhere is it separate from the whole of my body!
  • And it seems that each on of us might be that way… cells with our own boundaries and lives, yet we are part of a whole that we are interconnected with;

Look at these two hands with that in mind.

Giving to the whole universe can be as simple as reaching out and taking someone’s hand!

Awesome, isn’t it?

So start imagining all the things you could be giving!

Here are some ideas that just came to my mind:

  • Support
  • Your time and energy
  • Opportunity for someone to participate
  • Reference points on something that is possible to do
  • Education
  • Tutorials
  • Webinars
  • Encouragement
  • Ideas
  • Comments
  • Gratitude
  • Appreciation
  • Birth
  • Silence
  • Sounds
  • Music
  • Contribution
  • Gift certificates
  • Time with you
  • Enjoyment
  • Mentorship
  • Leadership
  • Thoughts
  • Structure
  • Inspiration
  • Writing
  • Organization
  • Stories
  • Photographs
  • Images
  • Lifestyle
  • Forgiveness
  • Love
  • Time to
  • Learning experience
  • Dancing
  • Opportunity to express yourself
  • Feedback
  • Appreciation
  • Give you a chance
  • Laughter

Now just think of the the strengths that you have!

Be outrageous… and write down everything and anything you can think of.

You may be surprised at all the things you are good at and have given others!

To get clear on why you what to give with all these options, ask yourself these questions :

  • What do my friends and neighbor think my strengths are? (go ahead and ask them!)
  • What do people look to me for?
  • What do they get from just knowing me?
  • What do people like about being in relationship with me?
  • What do I love to do?
  • What ideas do I have?
  • What have I mastered? (can be as simple as mastering how to tie a bow!)
  • What’s about my business and the things that I’ve learned along the way?
  • What have I donated my time to?
  • What inspires me?
  • What are my hobbies?
  • What would I like to tell the world about?
Now, be sure to remember:
That all the  learning experiences that you have had, and how you faced those challenges and brought them to resolution, are  powerful strengths and gifts!
And are sometimes the best!
Empowered giving requires the understanding of yourself and others.
A good example of this is:
On Oprah’s last TV show, she spent the hour sharing about her experiences and what she learned over o the past 25 years
She said that in interviewing  people from all over the world, with all different experiences, what stood out to her is that the core of what all people want is the same: To be  heard and acknowledged.
Just imagine how it would feel to have a lifestyle that included expanding your skills to give and receive by serving people in this way?

The fastest way to establish that lifestyle is to go directly to the core of understanding the truth of your own needs.

People often ask “what do you want?”

The ‘what” in that question tends to bring forth a factual answer, rather that tapping deeper into the more personal issues that more clearly defines what you need.

You may  think of your needs as something tangible, like “if I only had more money” or if only, I had…..”

However, if you listen to yourself closely, you will find that your core needs go deeper than that.

Michael Oliver, a well know couch and author, shows us how by asking the right questions you can get down to the core of what you really wants and need..

He says that that Problems and Needs come in pairs:

  • Outer Logical Needs (facts)
  • Inner Emotional Needs (feelings)

Most often when you ask a person “what do you want?”,  you get a factual answer… since you asked a factual question.

Examples of factual answers that people might give you include:

  • More freedom
  • More money
  • More time
  • Residual income
  • Better health
  • Better results
  • Less stress
  • Less debt
  • Less cost
  • Fewer deadlines
  • Less politics
  • Less commute
  • Less work
  • Less effort

And then your tendency might be to jump in with a resolution once you know “the facts”….”I know what you need…I can help you change that!”

But by not involving people and getting behind the facts,  you can inadvertently offend them.

If you do, you often won’t even know

People won’t say anything…they’ll just withdraw.

Think how you feel when someone tells you what they think you “should do”.

It can be irritating, can’t it?

You might get quiet or even respond a little by defending yourself, or try to push of what they say.

So by making an assumption that you know what they really want, you have missed out on an opportunity to allow them to….

  • talk about how they are feel about their present situation…and any personal history that is significant on how it led into what they are doing now.
  • talk about how the choices they are making are affecting them
  • discover for themselves what really matters to them
  •  discover how to influence themselves to get clear on what they want to change
  • tell you what their inner motivations are
  • tell you clearly what their deeper inner needs are
Involve them!
Ask them and they will tell you everything you need to know about what they really want.
The most important thing, is that they will also be telling themselves!
They be showing themselves that perhaps it is time to change.
And as they will sort this out internally…they do all the work for you!

So now you have created the space to find out about their Inner Needs…                                                               

  • To be recognized
  • To be heard
  • To be appreciated
  • To be in control
  • To be challenged
  • To be validated                            
  • To be understood
  • To be acknowledged
  • To be part of something
  • To Love and be loved
  • To be fulfilled
  • To be affirmed
  • To be respected
  • To be liked
  • To be among positive people
  • To have self-esteem
  • To have a sense of community
  • To have a sense of security
  • To have excitement


So by asking the right questions, and listening to answers…we can see what we have to give is really appropriate for them.

If not, we can always refer them to someone else…which is just as powerful of a giving!

By giving a referral, now you’ve giving something to two people :-)!

If you want to learn more about asking the the right questions”, I highly recommend Michael Oliver’s book called “How to Sell Network Marketing Without Fear, Anxiety or Losing Friends”.

And for some more tips on appropriate giving, go back to my website and  take a look at my post called “Ever feel awkward when you don’t like the gift you just opened?”

And as I bring this to end, I’d like to join you a celebration of all the giving that is surrounding us in each and every moment.

Like the apple tree that I’m looking at right out my window…. all that  it’s giving!

  • apples
  • crisp and sweet
  • shade
  • seeds
  • beauty
  • home for birds
  • food for animals… including worms!
  • thoughts of a future apple pie 🙂

I would love you to leave any comments, questions, ideas or something special in your life that is easy for you to keep on giving and giving!

To the freedom in giving,


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