Archive | February, 2014

Perturbation is a Key to Your Success!

February 25, 2014


You might be wondering, “What heck does perturbation mean?!!” So, just in case, here’s a definition just to start the conversation on the right foot (or the left foot whichever you like).



1. an unhappy and worried mental state
2. (physics) a secondary influence on a system that causes it to deviate slightly
3. activity that is an intrusion or interruption
4. a disposition that is confused or nervous and upset
5. the act of causing disorder

Perturbation is a physical and emotional state, which some people might describe as chaos, breakdown, falling apart, out of control or just plain “loosing it”.

Perturbation is an experience that happens when it’s time for a change and the universe is supporting you by interrupting your “how it is”.

Perturbation can be worrisome and scary if you are not aware of what is happening to you…feeling out of control and wondering “what’s happening to me?”.  And it’s interesting how when one breakdown happens like your car not starting and then you go home and discover that the clothes dryer just stopped working…and on and on!

THE GOOD NEWS IS:  You find yourself uncomfortable and thinking you are “loosing it”….and you are!  You are loosing  anything that you have been trying to control and keep together and making space for something new that works even better for you!

Like a remodeling a house.

You have to take down the old stuff before you put up the new stuff, right?

It’s all okay, stay present with it and you can enjoy the ride…remembering that your reality is break downing (dis-shutterstock_146971178-2assembling, falling apart, loosing it) to allow the breakthrough (assembling) for a new and expanded you!

A great example of how this process works in nature is:  (Scientific American  By Ferris Jabr)

“But what does that radical transformation entail? How does a caterpillar rearrange itself into a butterfly? What happens inside a chrysalis or cocoon?

First, the caterpillar digests itself, releasing enzymes to dissolve all of its tissues. If you were to cut open a cocoon or chrysalis at just the right time, caterpillar soup would ooze out. But the contents of the pupa are not entirely an amorphous mess. Certain highly organized groups of cells known as imaginal discs survive the digestive process. Before hatching, when a caterpillar is still developing inside its egg, it grows an imaginal disc for each of the adult body parts it will need as a mature butterfly or moth—discs for its eyes, for its wings, its legs and so on. In some species, these imaginal discs remain dormant throughout the caterpillar’s life; in other species, the discs begin to take the shape of adult body parts even before the caterpillar forms a chrysalis or cocoon. Some caterpillars walk around with tiny rudimentary wings tucked inside their bodies, though you would never know it by looking at them.

Once a caterpillar has disintegrated all of its tissues except for the imaginal discs, those discs use the protein-rich soup all around them to fuel the rapid cell division required to form the wings, antennae, legs, eyes, genitals and all the other features of an adult butterfly or moth. The imaginal disc for a fruit fly’s wing, for example, might begin with only 50 cells and increase to more than 50,000 cells by the end of metamorphosis. Depending on the species, certain caterpillar muscles and sections of the nervous system are largely preserved in the adult butterfly. One study even suggests that moths remember what they learned in later stages of their lives as caterpillars.

Getting a look at this metamorphosis as it happens is difficult; disturbing a caterpillar inside its cocoon or chrysalis risks botching the transformation.”

If a caterpillar can do all that, certainly we can let go of control and trust the process of how humans do their evolution too.  And just like in Star Trek, interfering with one’s evolution by “trying” to control it will never work. Each person and each culture must experience their own perturbations and ride the waves of their own metamorphosis and evolution.

Freedom takes the willingness to allowing you version of your “imaginal discs” to “do their thing” while you let go and trust the process.

Your awareness of the nature of perturbation will allow you a greater overview of what’s happening to you so you can let go of trying to control it and do your best to enjoy the ride knowing that the new and expanded experiences are on the other side…thanks to  the goodness of the universe (i.e. thank goodness)!

To embracing your perturbation,




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Think about it…

February 23, 2014


One of the most powerful quotes that I know is from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

” Life consists of what a person is thinking about all day.”

Have you ever found yourself saying: What was I thinking!!!??

Well, that’s a really good question! Exactly what are you thinking? Your willingness to be with that question gives you the power to shape your life!

Now ask yourself this question:

What is the nature of experiencing thinking that creates the the most beneficial, fun, loving, empowered, free and abundant experiences possible?

Remember, powerful questions give powerful answers. As soon as you ask a question something inside of you starts to shift immediately. Your questions are catalysts that set the universe in motion to respond to you.

If you use your thinking wisely, you can craft you questions in such a way that the answers come as the bodily felt sense of having the experience that you want.

For instance, if you ask the questions like “What is wrong with me”, then guess what answers you get? All the things that you think are wrong with you!

And what would have happened though if you had asked this question, “What is the nature of experiencing the perfection of my being? What experience would you have as the answer to that question? It would be the bodily felt experience of the perfection of your being!

That’s a simple example of  how getting clear on what you’re thinking can change your life forever!

So, notice your thinking right now. Can you identify anything that is already shifting just by asking those questions related to the quality of your thinking?

You may be wondering: “What have I been thinking?!!!?”  Good question to be asking yourself frequesntly.

What you’ve been thinking is collection of thoughts that you’ve gathered along the way.. And like most people, some of your thought may have developed into the patterns, tendencies, and the habits that are shaping how you perceive, respond, and make choices.

Each person has their own unique way of thinking about how to approach life and how they perceive things…and is commonly called a “mindset”. Getting clear on this is a powerful awareness, because your mindset affects everything in your life including who you think you are…and what you think you deserve

. Here’s a example of two different mindsets:   Imagine that someone just got mad at you for something that you said… And follow the thought of how your experience would be if you responded with:

Mindset #1:

  • No matter what I say, it’s never enough.
  • I’m not very good at communicating, so I might as well give up.
  • I’m really not a good enough person
  • There must be something wrong with me
  • I’m a loser and should just forget about ever having any friends.
  • She hates me, so I might as well leave and never come come back
 Mindset #2
  • Wow, I didn’t know that I was having that effect!
  • I wonder what mad her to be so mad?
  • I care about my relationships, so I’ll take a deep breathe and commit to resolution.
  • I admit that I was doing something provoking by not being very present for what was happening.
  • I’ll learn from this experience.
  • Take another deep breathe.
  • I’m ready to go back now…I’ll go back and apologize… and commit to staying more present and communicating more clearly.
Which of these mindsets you think works best for you?
You may be thinking, well Mindset #2 of course!
Some people, however, want to stick to a more self-rejecting mindset… because they’re comfortable staying with what they know and it has become  a habit that they don’t want to let go of.

Neither of the choices are right or wrong.

No matter how confused or powerless you might be feel about your thinking… you have the ability to change it!

Start making a list somewhere… jot your thoughts down.

  • Even if you’ve done this exercise before, do it again!
  • When it comes to your thinking, there’s always plenty of room to be surprised at how different levels of thinking are still affecting your life!
  • See if you notice any patterns emerging from what you have written down.
  • These patterns are showing you the map that you’ve been using.
  • These maps have been shaping the perception, attitudes , and beliefs that you use to guide your life.
The important questions to ask:
  • Is my mindset working?
  • Is my thinking giving me the life that I’m really wanting?”

Recognize any of these thoughts?

  • I never  seem to be able to do enough
  • There are so many things that I ‘should” be doing
  • I just can’t seem to get it  perfect and”right”
  • I need compare myself to others to find out how to do my life
  • I’ve got to keep re-thinking my  past to remember why I feel so unworthy and bad
  • These’s so much that I don’t have
  • What’s wrong with me? Whatever it is, I feel powerless to fix it
  • I need to figure out who is right or who is wrong
  • There are so my reasons that I can’t have and do what I want
Keep going! What kind of thinking do you do about:

  • Your life
  • Yourself
  • Other people
  • What’s happening in the world

What effect is your thinking having?

What effect do you want to be having?

Clarity about your thinking brings power!

Here’s an example of a woman who had a in shift in her thinking. She made this video as a way to empower people with what she learned ( Jill Boyte, A Stroke of Insight):

NOTICE your thinking right now. What impact did these last few moments of watching a video have on your thinking? Thanks for hanging in here! And congratulations on your willingness to expand your awareness! Now on to the next phase!

Okay, let’s go on with some ideas on how to start restructuring your thoughts and changing your thinking:

Have you ever had at a moment when you were trying to change your thinking and someone chimed in and says, “Oh, that’s easy…just let go of  those old “negative” thoughts and starting thinking “positive” ones!

Sounds like a great idea, right? But it doesn’t always seem to work that easily.

That’s because your thoughts and beliefs are often  anchored by what I call “stuck energy”. This is energy inside you that is stuck, not circulating and moving. If that energy doesn’t start moving, no matter how hard you try, the same stinking thinking will rise to the surface again!

To better understand what I mean: Take a deep breathe in and hold it…hold it ….hold it….hold it…don’t let it go yet! Now tighten up  your fists and the rest of your body…squeeze, squeeze….squeeze! This is what I mean by uptight…literally tightening up! NOTICE: What’s happening to the clearness of your thinking?

NOW RELAX:  Let it go…and take a few deep breathes. SHAKE IT ALL OUT: And notice how you feel. Feel the relief of oxygen flowing back thru your veins…filling yourself up with what you need to be alive.

Holding your breathe and tightening up your body like this… is the same thing that happens when you contract around your heart and and your breathing becomes shallow. That very tightening at times during the day creates to lack of circulation in your body. Your body  tries to alert you to danger…you start to feel uncomfortable, stressed, and un-easy…an uneasiness that will keep getting louder until you have the symptoms of disease.

NOW TRY IT ONE MORE TIME: Take a deep breathe and hold it… with everything that I just said in mind. Hold it, hold it, tighten up your body…do it as long as you can to notice what happens to your thinking and everything else in your body. And when you are ready…. LET IT GO! RELAX, SHAKE IT OUT!

What’s amazing is, not only does it feel great when you finally let go, your beliefs or thoughts are free to let go with you! You’ve shaken up stuck energy and made space for a change! Believe me, if you practice the concepts of what I just shared with you… and learn how to vibrate and shake out old stuck energy , I promise you that you will have the fastest leap in your thinking that you’ve ever had!

Now go shake it all out!

Now that you know how to make space for a change, it’s time to start take some more action. For example, think about the word “success”…write down what thoughts come to mind. Identify any patterns, attitudes or mindsets that you find. Some mindsets around success might include:

  • Success isn’t for everyone, it is just for people who went to college,,,and I didn’t go to college, so it means that I can never be successful.
  • Success makes you self important and unlikeable…and I’d rather be a nice person and have friends and family so I have no interest in being successful.
  • Success requires sacrifice and not having time with your family, so I have no interest in it.
  • Success is fleeting, so no use chasing it.
To change those beliefs and release that mindset:
  • shake it all out and let them go.
  • Then take a deep breathe and start to change the way you were thinking.
  • As you do this, let your self imagine how your life would be with your new way of thinking.
  • Get into the bodily felt sense of how you want that to be.
You may want your new experience to be:
  • Success is wonderful and it is allowing me to give and receive more with others.
  • Success is fun, easy, abundant and empowering.
  • Success is joyous and I share it with my loved ones, my friends and the world.
  • Success is feeling total alive and healthy
  • Success is available to anyone who is willing to take full responsibility for their life.
  • Anyone can be successful if they have the right mindset.
And I encourage you to look at the beliefs that were talked about in the video you watched in Key #1 (Lynn Twist on the Soul of Money).
  • People are selfish and greedy
  • More is better
  • There’s not enough to go around, so I need get it as fast as you can before somebody else gets it
  • If I give freely then there won’t be enough left for me
  • If I receive what I need, am I’ll be bad because have I taken something away from someone else.
  • If I can keep getting more and more then I can assure that I will always be happy.
 Here’s a good way to get clear about any beliefs you have about giving and receiving…ask yourself these questions:

  • What if I give and there isn’t enough left for me?
  • If I receive what I need and am fulfilled, am I bad because have I taken something away from someone else?
  • I’d like to give more but I just don’t have time
  • I don’t think people would want what I have to offer.
  • What I have to give isn’t good enough.
  • I would feel embarrassed and not liked if I gave something and they didn’t like it
  • I would feel rejected if they didn’t take it and then not trust myself any more
  • If I give, I will have to give back and I don’t have enough time and energy.
  • If I give I might not have enough for myself…and not survive.
  • I know I get uncomfortable when someone gives me something that I don’t like, so it’s best not to give anyone anything.
  • If I give, then it just gets used up and I have to give again…and I just don’t have the energy to do that
If you want to change any of these ways of thinking, you know what to do!
Keep remembering:  You can have all the knowledge, experience and tools available, but without choosing the appropriate thinking, you will never realize your full potential.
Imagine how the changing all these belief systems will change your life! Some tips to Remember:

  • There’s no use in comparing yourself to anyone else…because the only person you can ever be is YOU…which is fantastic because it’s the easiest thing for you to do!
  • If you think you can, then you can…if you think you can’t, then you can’t.
  • How can you ask others to believe in you if you don’t even believe in yourself?
  • How can you expect others to love and trust you, if you don’t love and trust yourself?
  • If you keep thinking about what you don’t want, that’s what you get. If you keep thinking about what you do want, that’s what you get!
If you’ve gotten this far on the road to getting clear on your thinking, congratulations.
Please leave any comments, questions or ideas that you have…your comments can have impact!
To the freedom that your thinking can give you,

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Getting Clear on What You Want to Receive

February 23, 2014


Now it’s time to get super clear on what you want to receive. You’ll be amazed at how much difference this makes in the amount of freedom you can experience.

Start right here…

Do you remember as a kid, having an adult say to you, “Now just remember, it’s better to give than to receive”?

And your first thought was “NO WAY!”                                              

Well you were absolutely right on to think that!

Without Receiving where would all the Giving to go?

What were they thinking?!!!

So getting clear on what you think about receiving is a necessary part of your success in all your giving!

Now ask yourself these questions:

  • What is the nature of experiencing what is most beneficial for me to receive?
  • What is the nature of experiencing my willingness to receive?
  • What is the nature of experiencing the ongoing expansion of my ability and willingness to receive?

Once again, you will be receiving the answers to these question in many different ways!

Check it out….what are you receiving, right here, right now?

Close your eyes and start noticing…. 

  • Your breathing…the air.
  • Yourself as an energy being connected to everything from your inside out
  • Sounds
  • Taste
  • Smells
  • Awareness
  • Emotions
  • Visuals even with your eyes closed!
  • Light
  • Ideas
  • Thoughts

Open your eyes

What did you learn?

Write it down because it’s key to your success!

The universe is wired with endless circuits of giving and receiving.

How much you get to enjoy it is a matter of how willing you are to receive it!

One of the biggest questions to keep asking yourself :  “Am I really willing to receive all that the universe is offering me, right here, right now?”

And if so, what are my limits?

The universe is wired with endless circuits of giving and receiving. How much you get to enjoy it is a matter of how willing you are to receive it!

So the biggest question to keep asking yourself :  “Am I really willing to receive all that the universe is offering me, right here, right now?”

And if so, what are my limits?

And if you are like most people living in this world, much of your moment to moment focus is filled with the seemingly endless tasks in your life, and you may forget to stop and to get present…and allow the awesomeness of your existence inspire you!

Anytime you start fussing about something not working the way you want it to, I just take a deep breathe and stop what you are doing…and get yourself self back to the bodily felt experience of awe.

From that place, all the little things that you were  fussing about suddenly loose the power to annoy you, and the resolutions that you want suddenly are with you!

Check out some common beliefs about receiving…and some ideas on how you can shift them and change them into a new experience:

  •  “I don’t know what I want”

I am listening to myself closely now.. and what I want is clear. 

  •  “If I get clear on what I want… and I never receive it, I’ll feel powerless…and I want to avoid that feeling at all costs…so I’ll just keep staying in the process of building my hopes up…hoping that someday I’ll get what I want”

My new experience is:  “Getting clear on what I want is empowering for me…it opens me up to receive what the universe is wanting to give me. I am listening closely and receiving the guidance that is being provided to me.. following that guidance step-by step…as I am receiving all the pieces that are giving me what I truly want!”

  • “If I ever get what I want I might find out that I’ve made a mistake…. and then I’ll be stuck with it forever…so it’s better to act like I don’t even know what I want so that I can be free.”

My new experience is:  “In the the process of getting what I want I may have some learning experiences along the way. I’m only agreeing to the most loving, nurturing and empowering learning experiences and am using them as a springboard to open up my limits to  receive what I want fully.”

  • “If I receive what I want then I’ll  feel guilty because there are so many people in the world that are not getting what they want”.

My new experience is:  ” I am free to receive with gratitude everything that is mine to receive. The best way to support others in learning how to receive is to keep receiving what is mineMy willingness to receive is a catalyst in the the mass conscious mind. It touches everyone and is part of the breakthrough and resolution that I want to be part of.”

  • “If I discover that I have the power to focus on what I want and receive it, I will get clear on that enormous amount of power that I have and be scared of it…after all, people in power are usually corrupt and take advantage of people.”

My new experience is:  “I have the power to receive what I want. Anyone can be embowered to do that if they are willing. Being powered is a loving nurturing experience to be having… and it opens up the space to give and receive in a way that can change peoples lives for the better. I am using that power to be a beneficial catalyst for resolution in the world”.

  • “The ability to receive is only for special people that have power…I could never have that kind of power.”

My new experience is:  “We are all created equal and are one with the source..and, if I’m willing, I am able to tap into the source of my receiving , and I choose to do so.”

  • “I’ve wanted things before and I never received them so I might as well give up.”

My new experience is: “I can ask for what I want and receive it…and I am trusting the process and timing that universe knows best is the way to give to me. I am allowing myself to receive what I want in the most beneficial and empowering way.”

  • “There’s no use wanting more, because this is all there is”

My new experience is:  “The abundance of the universe is unlimited. Anything that is truly mine will manifest for me at the most beneficial time.”

  • I didn’t know what I want because I need to be so busy taking care of what everyone else wants.

My new experience is:  “I know what I want and allow others to receive what they want. It is not my responsibility to give others what they want. I choose what to giving to those only those who are willing and that I know are the most appropriate to give to.”

  • I’m unwilling to receive much because then I will feel obliged to give back to them…and I don’t have the time and energy…it’s just simpler to be left alone and not have much.

My new experience is: “Giving and receiving comes natural to me. I am knowing that I am only inspired to give when it is the right thing for everyone involves. I am allowing the myself full experience of appropriate giving and receiving…it opens me up to all the wonderful things in life and gives me the freedom that I want.”


Here are some more thoughts on receiving:

  •  Lynn Twist,  author of The Soul of Money and co-founder the Pachamama Alliance, says this….

 “When you get out of the chase for more and actually pay attention to what’s already there, you start to see that life meets you exactly where you are and gives you exactly what you need. It’s not an amount of anything. It’s a way of being, a way of seeing, a way of living”.


And now onto another question:  

Have you ever had someone try to convince you of why you should be receiving something?  A person who thinks they are doing “for your own good”…and they try to persuade you to buy, receive, or do something… or try to persuade you to think the same ways as they do?

I have to admit, I’ve done that myself.

Especially as a mom who wants the best for my kid…I just want to get the point across and be sure that she receives what I say  so she can avoid doing what I did!

Or when I try  to convince someone of something new I’ve discovered and assume everyone else with be as excited as I am!

Dang, when I  think about all the times that I’ve done that it makes me squirm!

I remember how people were turned their eyes away from me…and then I just tried harder and harder to get them to receive the wonderful thing that I thought I had to offer.


And the horrible part is that I hate it when people do that to me…. and I just want to get away as fast as I can!

One day while realizing that I didn’t want to do that any more, I ran accross and article on the internet (I wish I could find it again, because the writer  said it just nailed it!)

He said that studies have shown it is human nature to pull away from being persuaded or convinced.

Even if someone is shaking their head in agreement…some part of them will not be receiving it…and will start  pushing and rebelling inside against it

If it’s the tiniest bit of convincing, and they seem to be receiving what you are say, inside there is a part of them saying “no way!”.

And if someone receives an idea or a product, and they feel that they have been persuaded, they often give it back or don’t ever use it.

As I’ve mentioned before,  then I was happy when I heard about the work Michael Oliver calls “natural selling”.

His work gave me exactly what I wanted to know to about how to overcome this challenge!

When Michael was describing how people use convincing…I was suddenly struck how much I still try to convince and persuade myself!

I was still trying to persuade and convince myself to receive things that I really didn’t even want!

And I was responding to myself the same way that others did to me…I  just wanted to get away from myself…which meant getting unpresent…and rejecting myself…so in the long run, not deserving to receive anything that I want!

WOW, that was an eye opener!

So I decided to apply Michael Oliver’s natural selling to myself.

I suggest that you see what happens if you follow along and see what happens if you apply it to yourself.

  • Let go of assuming that you know what you want
  • Suspend overpowering yourself with all the good stuff that you think you want and need …and telling yourself why it would be wonderful that you had it.
  • Set out to find out what is at the core of where you have been, where you are now, and gently discover for yourself what is true about what you really need right now.

Whew, isn’t that a relief!

Just think how understanding yourself in this way will affect, not only your success in receiving, but also in successful giving!

Think of all the rejection and uncomfortable moments that you can avoid.

And how fun… to have your job be to get your curiousity turned on… and learn how to ask good questions to yourself and others…and learn about how to turn the answers to the question into to more and more good questions!

Remember, the problem with always trying to convince yourself into a quick solution… is that you may unconsciously be setting yourself up for failure because you haven’t really involved yourself in your own conversation.

  • Jumping in with with everything that other people tell you on How you “should” do it, never gives you that chance to explore where you’ve been and what is it that will really give you the experience that you want now!
  • You might  jump at the chance to hop on with an idea that someone you know has found inspiring and totally right for them…only to be dissapointed because it’s not turning out to be a right fit for you.
  • It doesn’t matter what others think of their products or solutions….it’s what YOU think!
  • You need to feel involved and discovering for yourself.
  • Most people have good intentions of being for you… but bottom line they are often more interested in themselves.
  •  Do you want to be talked at or told?
  • Or do you want to be asked and heard?

With all that in mind, create a space for yourself where it’s quiet and supportive.

Enter a discovery journey where you can answer these questions:

  • Who am I now?
  • Where am have I coming from and where am I going?
  • What are my dreams and visions for my life?
  • What are my values?
  • What do I want? And why do I want it?
  • What don’t I want? Why don’t I want it?
  • What have I learned from the things that didn’t work very well?
  • What was missing in those situations?
  • What would I have chosen differently…and why?
  • Do I want to change my present situation?
  • Am I ready and willing?

Notice how it feels to talk to yourself in this way… time to look at where you’ve been, and get real about what things have worked out well in your life… and what didn’t.

You’ve taken time evaluate how you felt about what you were doing back then… and about what you are doing now…not based on whether it “should be” working for you, but on what actually feels right for you.

Quick overview of your listening  journey:

  • Listen to yourself rather than trying to convince yourself of the next thing that you “should” want.
  • Let your inner self take over by asking yourself questions.
  • Listen to your answers carefully and then ask yourself another question based on what you learned from the answer to the last one!
  • Concentrate on everything you say and don’t say.
  • Notice as you answer your questions what starts getting ignited internally.
  • Let your questions and answers keep opening yourself up to  you see the ways you have been thinking and feeling…while you are winning your own trust.

Now check it out…are you coming  up with only your more surface needs… like more clothes, a house, more freedom, money, time, residual income, health, less stress, less cost, fewer deadlines, less politics, less commute, less work, less effort, or a new car.

Those are great, AND keep going deeper… and let yourself get to a even fuller picture of what you want to receive.

For instance, how do you feel about what you don’t want?  You are working really hard but you just don’t feel the acknowledgment you deserve…and that leaves you feeling used, frustrated and drained at the end of the day.

By going deeper like this you start to see that, it’s not so much what you want that’s important, but the reason why you want what you want.

So now what you want might sound like “I want to work with a team where I feel energized and acknowledged for what I do”

So you see how important that it is for you to touch into the core of why you want something…so you receive what will actually be rewarding for you.

Clarity brings power!

To remind you of many of the core things that you might want, here’s the same list that I put here when you were getting clear on what you want to give. Now look at it as a way to get clear on what you want to receive!

  • Be listened to
  • Be recognized
  • Be heard                                     
  • Be appreciated
  • Be in charge of my life
  • Be challenged
  • Be understood
  • Be acknowledge
  • Be part of something
  • To love and be loved
  • Be fulfilled
  • Be affirmed
  • Be respected
  • Be liked
  • Be among positive people
  • Have self-esteem
  • Have a sense of community
  • Have a sense of security
  • To have excitement

You may also be looking for…

  • Achievement
  • Power
  • Fun
  • Companionship
  • Comfort
  • Inner Peace
  • Sense of Safety
  • Assurance
  • Stability
  • Harmony
  • Acknowledgement
  • Personal Satisfaction

Now one more thing:

Have you ever noticed that if you focus on what you don’t want…that you just keep getting more of what you don’t want?

Then focus on what you do want!

And guess what you’ll get…what you want!

Write what you want down put your list wherever you can see them!

On the refrigerator, on the back of the door, and anywhere where you will keep noticing them and bring them back to mind!

Congratulations on getting more clear on what you want to receive.

I guarantee that having done this will create more of the kind of freedom that you want in your life.

Please leave any comments, questions, or ideas that you may have.

To your freedom to receive,





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Getting Clear On What You Want to Give

February 23, 2014


Getting clear on what you want to give is a fun and wonderful way to create more freedom in your life.

Think about it:

Giving is embedded in your genetic code and is an integral part of of being a human being.

You are in an integral universe that is in a constant state of giving and receiving.

What you give and receive touches everyone and everything in some way.

So start our by ask yourself this question about giving:

  • What is the nature of experiencing giving in the most beneficial and empowering ways possible?

You might be thinking,”Well, how can I bring more awareness and purpose into what I am giving?

See if this short exercise helps you answer that question:

(a)  Exercise:

  • Close your eyes
  • Take a deep breath in
  • Be aware of your existence in space
  • What you are giving by just being here?
  • Notice the air that you are breathing and giving to your lungs… that is in turn giving it to your heart…. which is in turn giving it to the rest of your body.
  • Notice the carbon dioxide you give back to the world when you breathe out
  • Notice the energy that you are giving just by being alive and radiating out from your core
  • Notice the vibration you are giving to everything around you
  • Notice the thoughts you are giving
  • What else are you giving just by being here?

Open your eyes now.

What did you learn?

Write it down because this is a key to the self confidence you own when you are aware of all the gifts you have to offer!

Now think about this:

Science has shown that there is literally no place that we are separate or disconnected….not from our source, anything , or anyone.

We are literally all connected!

There is literally no such thing as being separate!

There are molecules of air and particles of energy that connect us even though they are not visible through our eyes.

If you are like me, sometimes the truth of that is hard to imagine.

And then I think about how all the cells in my body are connected:

  • Each of my cells has it’s own unique purpose ….which allows my body to function in the way that it does.
  • And each of these cells has it’s own boundaries, it’s own cell walls, that keeps the integrity of itself  intact.
  • Yet each of these cells is totally interconnected and nowhere is it separate from the whole of my body!
  • And it seems that each on of us might be that way… cells with our own boundaries and lives, yet we are part of a whole that we are interconnected with;

Look at these two hands with that in mind.

Giving to the whole universe can be as simple as reaching out and taking someone’s hand!

Awesome, isn’t it?

So start imagining all the things you could be giving!

Here are some ideas that just came to my mind:

  • Support
  • Your time and energy
  • Opportunity for someone to participate
  • Reference points on something that is possible to do
  • Education
  • Tutorials
  • Webinars
  • Encouragement
  • Ideas
  • Comments
  • Gratitude
  • Appreciation
  • Birth
  • Silence
  • Sounds
  • Music
  • Contribution
  • Gift certificates
  • Time with you
  • Enjoyment
  • Mentorship
  • Leadership
  • Thoughts
  • Structure
  • Inspiration
  • Writing
  • Organization
  • Stories
  • Photographs
  • Images
  • Lifestyle
  • Forgiveness
  • Love
  • Time to
  • Learning experience
  • Dancing
  • Opportunity to express yourself
  • Feedback
  • Appreciation
  • Give you a chance
  • Laughter

Now just think of the the strengths that you have!

Be outrageous… and write down everything and anything you can think of.

You may be surprised at all the things you are good at and have given others!

To get clear on why you what to give with all these options, ask yourself these questions :

  • What do my friends and neighbor think my strengths are? (go ahead and ask them!)
  • What do people look to me for?
  • What do they get from just knowing me?
  • What do people like about being in relationship with me?
  • What do I love to do?
  • What ideas do I have?
  • What have I mastered? (can be as simple as mastering how to tie a bow!)
  • What’s about my business and the things that I’ve learned along the way?
  • What have I donated my time to?
  • What inspires me?
  • What are my hobbies?
  • What would I like to tell the world about?
Now, be sure to remember:
That all the  learning experiences that you have had, and how you faced those challenges and brought them to resolution, are  powerful strengths and gifts!
And are sometimes the best!
Empowered giving requires the understanding of yourself and others.
A good example of this is:
On Oprah’s last TV show, she spent the hour sharing about her experiences and what she learned over o the past 25 years
She said that in interviewing  people from all over the world, with all different experiences, what stood out to her is that the core of what all people want is the same: To be  heard and acknowledged.
Just imagine how it would feel to have a lifestyle that included expanding your skills to give and receive by serving people in this way?

The fastest way to establish that lifestyle is to go directly to the core of understanding the truth of your own needs.

People often ask “what do you want?”

The ‘what” in that question tends to bring forth a factual answer, rather that tapping deeper into the more personal issues that more clearly defines what you need.

You may  think of your needs as something tangible, like “if I only had more money” or if only, I had…..”

However, if you listen to yourself closely, you will find that your core needs go deeper than that.

Michael Oliver, a well know couch and author, shows us how by asking the right questions you can get down to the core of what you really wants and need..

He says that that Problems and Needs come in pairs:

  • Outer Logical Needs (facts)
  • Inner Emotional Needs (feelings)

Most often when you ask a person “what do you want?”,  you get a factual answer… since you asked a factual question.

Examples of factual answers that people might give you include:

  • More freedom
  • More money
  • More time
  • Residual income
  • Better health
  • Better results
  • Less stress
  • Less debt
  • Less cost
  • Fewer deadlines
  • Less politics
  • Less commute
  • Less work
  • Less effort

And then your tendency might be to jump in with a resolution once you know “the facts”….”I know what you need…I can help you change that!”

But by not involving people and getting behind the facts,  you can inadvertently offend them.

If you do, you often won’t even know

People won’t say anything…they’ll just withdraw.

Think how you feel when someone tells you what they think you “should do”.

It can be irritating, can’t it?

You might get quiet or even respond a little by defending yourself, or try to push of what they say.

So by making an assumption that you know what they really want, you have missed out on an opportunity to allow them to….

  • talk about how they are feel about their present situation…and any personal history that is significant on how it led into what they are doing now.
  • talk about how the choices they are making are affecting them
  • discover for themselves what really matters to them
  •  discover how to influence themselves to get clear on what they want to change
  • tell you what their inner motivations are
  • tell you clearly what their deeper inner needs are
Involve them!
Ask them and they will tell you everything you need to know about what they really want.
The most important thing, is that they will also be telling themselves!
They be showing themselves that perhaps it is time to change.
And as they will sort this out internally…they do all the work for you!

So now you have created the space to find out about their Inner Needs…                                                               

  • To be recognized
  • To be heard
  • To be appreciated
  • To be in control
  • To be challenged
  • To be validated                            
  • To be understood
  • To be acknowledged
  • To be part of something
  • To Love and be loved
  • To be fulfilled
  • To be affirmed
  • To be respected
  • To be liked
  • To be among positive people
  • To have self-esteem
  • To have a sense of community
  • To have a sense of security
  • To have excitement


So by asking the right questions, and listening to answers…we can see what we have to give is really appropriate for them.

If not, we can always refer them to someone else…which is just as powerful of a giving!

By giving a referral, now you’ve giving something to two people :-)!

If you want to learn more about asking the the right questions”, I highly recommend Michael Oliver’s book called “How to Sell Network Marketing Without Fear, Anxiety or Losing Friends”.

And for some more tips on appropriate giving, go back to my website and  take a look at my post called “Ever feel awkward when you don’t like the gift you just opened?”

And as I bring this to end, I’d like to join you a celebration of all the giving that is surrounding us in each and every moment.

Like the apple tree that I’m looking at right out my window…. all that  it’s giving!

  • apples
  • crisp and sweet
  • shade
  • seeds
  • beauty
  • home for birds
  • food for animals… including worms!
  • thoughts of a future apple pie 🙂

I would love you to leave any comments, questions, ideas or something special in your life that is easy for you to keep on giving and giving!

To the freedom in giving,


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